I first heard of “ghost marriages” while I was living in Singapore.
At the time, I was working in a modern high-rise tower called International Plaza but walking daily past the late-1800’s Seng Wong Beo Temple temple.
On our way to lunch one day, my colleagues explained that this temple was long known for performing ghost marriages. For example, a young woman might marry the ghost of a young man – with the groom represented in the ritual by a living rooster.
That sounded completely ridiculous – especially in futuristic Singapore. In today’s America, it would undoubtedly trigger paroxysms of righteous anger.
A patient education from my Singaporean colleagues taught me the importance of not forcing our modern sensibilities onto older cultures / different circumstances.
Quick Background…
I was reminded that in traditional Chinese culture, when a young woman married she would say goodbye to her own parents and move in with her husband’s family. Likely never seeing her family again, she would be expected to take care of her in-laws as they aged.
As a result, girls were not highly valued by parents. Any investment in their betterment would, at most, generate some dowry upon marriage.
Hacking the Culture…
This is where it gets interesting. Imagine, they asked me, if the only son of older parents dies. Without today’s professional elder-care, who is there for the parents as they age?
A family with a daughter having limited marriage prospects is approached. A sizable dowry is paid to the woman’s family and a marriage is arranged at the temple. The woman marries the ghost of the deceased son – represented by a live rooster – and then moves in with her newly adopted family.
In the end, the woman’s original family is more financially secure and the deceased son’s parents have someone to help with the household. Best case, the daughter inherits the assets of her adopted parents and is also secure.
To our ears, this might sound crazy. But everyone involved benefited and the ancient social structure hasn’t been disturbed.
Would it have been better to educate the daughter and encourage her to live an independent life? Of course. Every culture has examples of true revolutionaries that have done exactly this. But many people are also “hacking” the cultural norms without breaking them. That’s interesting to me.
Important Caveat…
I’m neither Chinese nor Singaporean, so please let me know if I need to correct anything in this article. I’m not foolish enough to pretend to be an expert.
My goal is smaller. I hope to encourage us outsiders to not prejudge other cultures… take the time to learn and try to understand the context.
Seng Wong Beo Temple, with International Plaza Behind at Left (roots.gov.sg)