A Quick Detour from Work Topics to a Life Topic
I hope you’ll forgive a short detour from my usual work topics to a life topic.
I’ve been married for 26 years — more than many, less than some.
From the beginning, I invented a personal, end-of-the-evening tradition.
After dinner is done, the dog walked, projects are put away and the TV shut off, finally the house is quiet. Climbing into bed and turning off the lights, I would think for a while and then thank my wife (out loud) for one specific thing that she did for me that day. As well as why I appreciated and remembered it.
As she is a morning person, she is often asleep before me. So my “thank you” might be answered with heavy breathing. Or if she’s in that twilight before sleep, she may not remember what I said.
But it doesn’t matter. Because I’ve realized that it has an even bigger impact on me than on her. It forces me to stop and think about what she brings to my life every day.
I’m a big believer that positivity feeds a virtuous cycle. If you engage people with a positive attitude, people are likely to echo it back — and more. Smile, and people smile back. Likewise, if you wallow in negativity, it feeds a downward, darkening spiral.
Note also that in some cultures it would be considered strange — and perhaps even rude — to thank a close family member for anything. A Chinese friend once expressed total surprise that my parents said “please” and “thank you” to each other. So deploy my concept with care!
Finally, I’m not a complete Pollyanna. Over 26 years, there have certainly been nights where it took me a long, long, long, long time to think of something to be thankful for.
Those are the dark days when the relationship takes more work. But it’s important and worthwhile work.